THE REMINDER

This incident really spooked me.

It happened in Bangi ( 2009 ) when I was still doing my second degree.  Abang was also there attending a course, so I put up at his place ; a training centre. On that fateful day, I was walking to my car when I had this strong urge to go to the restroom. Since it would take me sometime to reach my class, I decided not to wait and went to the one in the lobby.

However, I felt kind of uneasy when I opened the door of the restroom. Strangely, it was very clean, so spotlessly clean to be exact ; as if it had not been used at all. My instinct told me that I could be at the wrong place but I somehow brushed it off. Well, no time to wonder and ponder ! I told myself. Just do your business and then find your way out !

There were four empty cubicles with all doors opened in the restroom. After doing some thinking, I decided to go into the first one. Well, after doing what I had to do, ehem , I flushed. To my surprise, I heard someone else flushing too ! Funny, I did not remember seeing or hearing anyone entering the restroom ! And did I not tell you earlier that all doors of the cubicles were opened when I walked in ? Ohh Noo! Stay calm, just stay calm .. It is just your imagination ! I reassured myself and got out of the cubicle. I went straight to the sink to wash my hands. That was when I heard a sound like someone was coming out of the cubicle. I turned around and saw the door of the second cubicle opening slowly ( wider this time ! ) with a creaking sound. The spooky part was there was no breeze, no wind, no nothing! Just me! "Okay, okay, this is not happening, it can't be happening. Not now, not to me ! Dear God ! Is this what I think it is ?" My imagination then ran wild and all hair stood on end as I saw no one in the cubicle! Excuse me ! I did not wait to find out. I grabbed my bag and rushed to the door . I did not dare to look back for fear of  seeing  something that would haunt me for the rest of my life !
Ask me now or anytime, I would still say that something was there with me that day but I did not know what. Alhamdulillah I did not get any panic attacks and was still able to think right !!   What if I pass out and wake up later only to find myself  still in the restroom with  It ? OMG !!
Later that day, the janitor related some spooky stories about the place and cautioned me to be careful as she said that those "things" (not just one !!) were the playful type. After what happened, I told her, I would do just that , not just there but at any unfamiliar places and at all times !

Now, let 's do some reflective thinking. Why did it happen to me ?  I'm not sure, but everything happens for a reason,  remember ? This could be a reminder of certain things. First, I should be more careful  with restrooms at places like this.  If they are  so clean, like they are not used at all, forget it ! Go elsewhere please !  Why? Because it shows that people seldom use  them. Guess, you know how some places are when they are rarely visited. Need not tell you more! Second,  I should  make it a habit to  go into a restroom  with the left foot first and recite the appropriate doa as a form of protection from all that lurk in the "dark"(sunnah nabi ). Finally, perhaps at times, I should pay attention to the old adage " follow your instinct ".  You may not agree with me but based on my experience,  sometimes our subtle insights do not lie.

Okay friends, see ya.

(p.s. My daughter Angah,  commented on this one, "Mom, it spoils the mood! "  
My response, " Jangan pandang belakang....")

DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

I was going through some old  stuff  when  I  found it again.  After  all these years…. It was my 1988/89 journal. 1989?  It went a long way back. There I was still young and very much confused with life. Ha! Ha! Writing the journal was actually an assignment in one of my English classes. Believe it or not, I spent one whole semester cracking my head thinking of what to write as we were required to start working on it from the first day of the semester until the very last !! The entries dated from 18 December, 1988 to 23 March, 1989. Phew!!  How did I get through that ?  

Here are some of the entries taken from the journal.

TUESDAY, 20 DECEMBER 1988.

Orientation. Now, why did that word hit my mind anyway ? Ohh ho yes… He is going through his orientation week now. Then, he will be gone for two years. Sob! Sob! (Now, that is so exaggerating !! ) Well, talking about orientation week reminds me of mine. That horrible, torturous, sickening week !! By the way, I did write a poem on this so called a week to remember!


Orientation Week,

The word made me sick!

That horrible, torturous, sickening, tiring week!!

A hullabaloo to the juniors,

But ‘ a hula hula week ’ to the seniors.

I could still remember,

How I used to cry alone,

Sometime after midnight,

everyday,

during  that awful week.

Then, things changed.

Everything is easier now,

as I am A senior and getting Wiser .

BUT,

Excuse me, “ If I were to go through another orientation week,

FORGET  IT ! I’d rather be sick ! ”


(p.s. Poem budak-budak….)

MONDAY, 9 JANUARY 1989

I was so moody today. I tried to join in the bull session but just couldn’t. Felt like there was a rock in my mouth. So, I wrote myself a poem,  a short one.

I couldn’t hide,

What I felt inside,

For it showed,

In my eyes.

I couldn’t fight the tears,

For it fell,

Accompanying,

a broken heart.

( p.s YAWN…..)

SUNDAY, 22 JANUARY 1989.

Dear Mr Malachi Edwin, do we really have to write a poem on one of these characters ?? You must be jok…Oooppsss.., sorry…..you’re not joking ! Ok, For The Love Of Literature! Here goes!!! Based on the novel by Arthur Miller, “The Crucible”, I present to you a poem on Elizabeth Proctor! Here goes !!

A soft wind,

Is she,

Dares to blow,

But moving nothing.

Strong ties,

No lies,

Soothing her lover’s skin,

Covering a sin.

A soft wind,

Is she,

Yielding, blowing,

Into misguided deeds.


(p.s. Indeed! For the love of  literature!!
I could still remember the day when we visited this dear lecturer of ours at the hospital. Upon opening the door of his room, one of my male colleagues, with his “heart and soul”, recited a line from one of the poems discussed in his class, “ Oh rose… dear rose…thou art sick….Ha! Ha! We couldn’t stop laughing after that! Really miss those days…. )

HAPPY TEACHER' S DAY

2 Days Before
Here I go again, buying gifts, wrappers, ribbons and making small cards. Well, what do you know ! This teacher  is helping her kids to get  some gifts ready  for their teachers since Teacher’s Day is around the corner ! This time, I am buying note books.

A Day Before

Since I did not have my own poem, so  I got one from poemsource.com. Later, I  printed it out nicely on white sheets and  pasted it on the cover of each of  the  books. Then, I added    red ribbons  on top to make the gifts  appear somewhat ravishing ! All ten, Done!!

Teacher’s day in school is always so full of fun! It is the only time of the year when the students  can  actually  “ order ” the teachers around ! So, they have a lot of fun making us sing, dance, act out, play games and doing the  unthinkable ! The best part is, the day is  always  a real  happening  as the students are often so creative and the  teachers are always  so appreciative (just can't say no!!)  There was a time when  the students  made me play netball. No rules required, just play, they told me. Piece of cake !  You know what, I played like I had never played before! More of showing off actually ....  to the students ! And  ouch ! I went home with my whole body aching all over !

However, sad to say, no teacher’s day celebration for me this year. Yup! Again. Just like last year, the year before and the year before that  or let’s just say for the past five years. Why? Because I am not teaching in school anymore.  To be honest, I do miss school sometimes. The day brings back old memories you know. Oh dear, I am going down the memory lane again.

 I remember getting a pouch from a girl. The pouch contained many little colourful paper stars. There was also a small card attached to it. It said, “Dear teacher, please look  for a unique star amongst these little ones.”  I then found the star. It was yellow in colour and bigger than the rest. After looking at it for sometime,  I noticed three tiny words written on it , “ Open this please.”  Later, I found that the star was actually made up of a long strip of paper ;  with a note saying,

 “ Among these many stars, this is the  only one that is different from the others and special in its own way. It is the only one  that  really shines on me. Dear teacher, the  star   is none  other than  YOU and you will always be  my shining Star.  HAPPY TEACHER’S DAY  !”  

I was profoundly  moved  by this one gift…....…until now.

 THE DAY

My daughter, Adik looked very excited this morning !  Last night, she prepared  two name lists ; the names of her teachers as well as my son’s teachers. She would be giving the gifts to both ( my son’s teachers and hers) as  my ‘beautiful’  son had gone down with flu and was  staying home. “Way to go Adik ! ” so my son said and my daughter replied “ Shut up Abang!”  Ha! Ha ! As usual ,  time for ‘vicious’ verbal exchange ! Couldn’t live  without  it !!

(p.s. I got this wish  from a friend who got this from  ....... anyone knows ? )

Birth is the start of life,
Beauty is the art of life,
Mysteries and risks are parts of life
but a TEACHER is the heart of life.


Happy Teacher's Day to all the teachers out there !

One day at a time ,

This is enough.

Do not look back and grieve over the past,

For it is gone,

And do not be troubled about the future,

For it has not yet come.

Live in the present,

And make it so beautiful that it will be,

Worth remembering.

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(p.s. Another one; taken from a postcard )

NUMBER ONE

When I think of my mother, I will see this clearly in my head, a woman endlessly smiling down on me. The smile means a lot to me. The smile is made of a deep devotion, sacrifice and pain. It tells about countless stories of patience and forgiving. The smile is hard to interpret; no one can really explain. It is one of God's greatest creation, a mother's love.

I always have questions in my head. Why is Mom always busy? Why is Mom always questioning my whereabouts? Why is Mom always giving advice that I do not want to hear? Why? Why? Why?

Now, I am old enough to see through it all. I have begun to understand her sensitivity and patience. She is doing all these out of pure love for she has so much of it for me. She continues to love me under any and all circumstances; even when this child of hers has hurt her badly. When the whole world is against me, she is always there to offer the best of comfort and love.

Memories of my mother are precious ones. Each has taught me to be wiser in living this life. I can still remember how I had laughed at my elder sister for getting a pounding stone as a wedding gift from my mother. Little did I know that later I had to laugh at my own ignorance. The laugh had become my greatest regret when I learned about how useful the pounding stone was in my sister's life. When her blender failed to function, it was the pounding stone that saved the day's cooking. It was that very stone that made her smile when her "sambal" or chilli paste was praised by the whole family. Sometimes, I saw her using the stone to help her with some handy chores around the house. In other words, the stone had become a useful "tool" in her household. Thus, I gained an important lesson at the end of the day; a mother always knows what is best for her children.

Then, there was a day when I went to school wearing a "weird" pair of shoes. I was late than usual that morning and was rushing to school . Only in school later that I realized I had worn a pair of shoes meant for the left foot! You can imagine how difficult it was for me to move around; and not to mention the embarrassment!! Guess, who saved the day for me? None other than my mother! How did she find out? Well, she was sweeping the house porch when she noticed the wrong pair of shoes. Immediately, she rushed to my school and made my day!!

If I were to describe my mother, it would be in an endless list. When you think of a word, one after another will come rushing to your head. My mother is everything I can think of. She is my teacher, counsellor, motivator, doctor and everything else as when the situation calls for it. In other words, my mother is my guardian angel. There is no other love like a mother's love. It is so special and there is only one word to describe it, sacred. I would never trade it in for anything in the world. Sometimes, I do wonder whether I can be as strong as my mother in facing hardships in life.

Here are some promises for my mother. I will obtain good results in every test and exam in school. I will always think twice in making decisions and I promise never to go against you. Above all, for as long as I live, I promise, I will never stop loving you Mom; the most important person in my life and number one for me.

(p.s. Thank you MOM, and thank you my beloved daughters..)

  

SPECIAL DELIVERIES

I saw my son walking anxiously towards the car. Once he got into the car, he looked around as if to make sure the coast was clear. Next, he asked, " Where's Adik ? "

"Already safe and sound at home,” I replied. He looked relieved.  

“Why ?” I threw him a suspicious look.

He gently pulled my arm and placed a small box in my hand.

" Mom, look at what I got for you. Come on mom, open it !"

I carefully opened the box and took out the content. It was a plastic rose, cream in color without any leaves nor stem. Simply unique.

" Mom, this is actually a small night light. When you switched it on, it will let out different colors. I cannot remember how many, but I know the last one is red."  He sounded really excited.

I was silent for a while. He looked at me and continued explaining.

" I wanted to buy you a sunflower because I know you like it so much but they all come in forms of roses only. Well, there are angry birds too...I like those also but I know they will just make you angry instead of being  happy. "

" Mom.." small- eyed now, and  his smile was gone. " Don' t you like what I bought for you? I used my own savings you know. This is specially for you, Mom. Happy Mother's day."

I didn' t know what to say. So, I just hugged him.

To tell you the truth, I was deeply touched. Yes, my dear son. I like it so much. And I thank you so much for it. Thank you so much for the thought, not just for what you gave me this year, but also for all the wonderful gifts you gave me  all these years; on Mother's day , my birthday and Teacher’s day as well.

You know what, I see them as more than gifts.  Not just any ordinary  eraser, pen, pencil, a ship in a small bottle, sand clock or a rose. I see them all as special deliveries; Special Deliveries of Love. Thank you my son, thank you so very much.

Lots of Endless Love,

MOM.
( p.s. Adik bought me something too! Guess what? Another small night light but this time, it's a Mickey Mouse!!  Thank you so much Adik ! I love you so and as much!! )

TO ALL THE MOTHERS IN THE WORLD, " HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY " !!

BRAND

STAR SPECIAL dated April 25 was indeed special; paying tribute to the winners of PUTRA BRAND AWARDS 2012. I came across many interesting words in the pull out like strength, believe, trust, sustainability,work smart, think smart and there was also the word seize! Obviously, these are only about one thing; us. A question was also posed to these winners; If you were asked to brand one aspect of Malaysia, what would it be and how would you do it ? Interesting ! Perhaps, we can relate it to ourselves, look at it our way; maybe like this; If you were to identify yourself with one virtue, what would it be and how would you do it ? Well, if you asked me, I would say please read the following story !
*********************
What an experience ! After what happened, I drove home in silence. However, my mind was busy playing back the whole incident. How could they ? Were they not taught about social ethics ? Once, I reached home, I rushed to the phone. Since the house phone was actually under-utilised, there I was with the intention of really utilising it to let out my anger! And, I called up Abang.
I was out buying some groceries with my two daughters. Later, I waited in the car because Angah and Adik wanted to buy 'ABC'. I was watching my two daughters from far when suddenly I felt the car jolted accompanied by a loud sound, like the car was being rammed into. What do you know, the driver who parked his car next to mine simply let his car door banged into my car while opening it! I watched him for a while, hoping for some gestures of apology but the man just walked away with his baby; followed by his wife.
God! Was I mad! I got out of the car with the intention of shouting at him but I didn't. Instead, I went to look at his car registration number. Okay,.... it was TA... 77...7 and it was a black T.......Then, I looked at my car. My car....my dear car was scarred with a five- inch wide scratch mark! Thank you so much!

All the while, Abang merely listened. Then he responded, ‘ Why didn 't you do the same to his car ? You could just open the door widely and let it hit his car just like what he did to our car.’

'Abang, I could easily do that but it would just put me in the mud just like him.'

' Then, you have made the right thing by not yelling nor getting back at him.' Why don’t you just forgive and forget.’

‘Yes Abang, my pleasure!! '

But it got me thinking. Okay.. Come to think of it, yes , I believe I had done the right thing. Getting back at the young couple would not make me feel better or become any better than them. It would just make the situation uglier and even worse, I would be in the same line, on the same level or shall I say, be on par with them . No, thank you!! So, in the end, it was back to “ just forgive and forget. ”

Well, talking about “branding” or “ identifying ” yourself, let’s just say, Forgiving Type. And how would it be done? Forgive.

End of story.

(p.s. Forgiving Reaps Contentment )

DO YOU ?

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Do you still remember,

On this lawn,

Beside the silent river,

We sat and looked,

Into the  future together?

Do you still  remember,

Above us,

The sky,

Sheltering us with its beauty,

And the satiny grass,

Stretching widely like green carpets,

Under us ?

Do you still remember,

The rays of sunlight,

Peeping through the branches,

Offering their shady beams?

Do you still remember,

When the wind flowed by,

We could hear,

The flowers whispering,

The leaves sighing softly,

Around us.

We could see birds on wings,

And in the river,

The fishes jumping gracefully ?

Do you still remember,

On this very lawn,

We betrayed the calm neighbouring,

We erased the flames,

We broke the chain,

And we parted,

With drenched hearts,

And misty prides?

Do You ?

(p.s. Wrote this on February 8, 1989 : an assignment in my "Creative Writing" class. Dear Miss/Mrs Sharifah, where are you now ?? )

THE JOURNEY

I am now 43 years old, married to a wonderful husband and blessed with four beautiful children. Looking back, I have come a long way to being who I am today. It was a journey through a long and winding road accompanied by countless disappointments and frustrations. How did I get through? I have no definite answer but I somehow did. I praised Allah swt  for always bringing me home.

Last year marked our 16^th anniversary. Where did abang take me this time? A journey back to the holiest place on this planet; Mecca. The last time I went to Mecca was in 1992, some 19 years back. I could still remember certain things but there were also other things that I could barely remember. I did remember the eight- hour flight to Jeddah, the long hour road journey to Madinah, the people and some wonderful experiences like kissing the holy stone, Hajaratul-Aswad, praying in Ar-Raudah and Hijir Ismail as well as seeing the zam zam well. All these came back in many broken pieces but fitted well in my memory. I was there for 48 days, still single and a final year university student. Would going back this time promise the same?

The day finally came. We left on 24 April in a group of ten jemaah from Kuantan. Other than the two of us, the rest were a family; an elderly woman with three sons, her mother, a daughter-in-law and an auntie. We quickly became friends. At KLIA, we were joined by another 28 jemaah from all over Malaysia. Later, at 3.00 p.m that day, our flight departed to Jeddah. I was seated in between Abang and another female jemaah from Batu Pahat, Johor. What began as friendly gestures later developed into warm conversation. We talked about ourselves, workplace, kids and some other woman stuffs. Abang joined in by occasionally nodding and smiling. The journey to the Holy Land seemed to be going on fine and promising.

After a long 8 hour-flight, we finally arrived in Jeddah. From the airport, we boarded a bus to Madinah for another eight-hour journey. I was too tired and sleepy to keep myself aware of things going on around me. So, I slept throughout the journey and kept myself awake only when the bus made a brief stop at a rest area. I did leave the bus to ease myself up and to feel the freezing cold night breeze. Once the bus continued its journey, I continued my own journey into dreamland.

I could barely open my eyes when we arrived in Madinah, at 2.00 in the morning. However, my eyes were wide open once I got down from the bus. I was finally in the city of Madinah, for the second time. There I was again, looking at the second holiest site in Islam, Al-Masjid al-Nabawi. Let me tell briefly about the mosque. It was the second mosque built in history and one of the largest mosques in the world. After an expansion during the reign of Al-Walid, it also now incorporates the site of the final resting place of Muhammad saw and early Muslim leaders Abu Bakr and Umar (Wikipedia 2012). We spent three days full of ibadah in this holy place.

On the fourth day, we started our journey to Mecca, the first holiest site in Islam. The journey was to me, indeed a challenging one. I took photos of the vast dry rocky land that stretched out widely. I could not help wondering how our Prophet Muhammad saw and his sahabat made their journey across this land. Subhanallah.. Since it was quite along journey, I made myself occupied by continuously reciting zikir and doa. Later, the bus made its pitch stop and we performed solah Zuhur as well as had our lunch. I shared a plate of Chicken Rice with Abang. My, my! The rice was so soft and good served with tender fried chicken. It was absolutely scrumptious!! Even thinking about it now made my mouth water !!

Finally, after a few hours, we arrived in Mecca. I was again back to this holy land. Seemed like Mecca had gone through a massive development. I saw tall buildings everywhere I looked, lines of shops selling many types of goodies and necessities, hotels, restaurants and countless number of jemaah from all over the world. What was so significant about all the jemaah was the colour of their attire. Even though they came in their own clothing style, only two types of colours distinctively stood out in the crowd; just pure white and plain black. Nevertheless, these two colours were interesting and somewhat divine. When these two came together they became one and some people said that they represented something colourless or lack of colours. Symbolically, this could be associated with the jemaah. Each one of them came with only one intention; to perform ibadah as well as to seek forgiveness of their sinful deeds and eventually become "colourless" or free of sins in the eye of God The Almighty.

Just like in Madinah, the days were spent with none other than ibadah. What was so unforgettable about being in Mecca was praying in Masjidil-Haram and to be near Kaabah. It was such a wonderful experience to be able to be so close to it, to be close to Allah swt. At night, Masjidi-Haram became a blissful sight. Lights shone from every corner of this holy place onto thousands of jemaah who never seemed to be under par at performing solat, tawaf and saie. For seconds, I thought I was in heaven. MasyaAllah.

Then, it was time to leave.  As we were preparing for the last tawaf, Tawaf Wida’, we were already talking about coming back; instead of talking about going home. The feeling seemed mutual with everybody having the same intention and thought. I believe, you would feel the same too after  experiencing these blessed moments in Mecca and Madinah.  InsyaAllah. Alhamdulillah, we managed to perform the Umrah without any difficulty and returned to Malaysia on May 5, 2011.  Alhamdulillah again.

(p.s. My son commented on the use of "beautiful children". "Mom, you described me as beautiful ! Eeee, totally unacceptable!! "  My response ? Nak kena budak ni ! )